BUDS and BLOSSOMS

Posted on April 13, 2024

Anais Nin expresses the experience beautifully, “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” (Dr. Susan M. Johnson, Hold Me Tight, 153.) Maybe! And an obvious question: What do these words have to do with anything?

The simple answer: Take off the presented Self mask, the culturally created, fear bound, in the bud, “should be,” and simply blossom by being authentic, open, honest, and vulnerable. Let’s peek at recent headlines.

Ukraine-Russia War, Israeli-Hamas War, fraud, daily polarized, hatred circus of unfolding 2024 Presidential Election, voter suppression, corruption, violence, and deconstruction of federal court system. A helicopter view offers that the least common denominator is emotional sickness from an overwhelming dose of “Demon Dialogues” (“separation distress,” relationship storms, love starvation) (Dr. Susan M. Johnson, Hold Me Tight, 45, 48) Quite simply, we have lost sight of the fact that the need for love is in the human genes and is not about bargains, reasoning, and deals about profit and loss. It is sane, conscious, emotional responses and mutually satisfying experiences in a partnership. The perception is that one becomes so addicted to the Demon Dialogue loop, pattern, habit, that it becomes impossible to see the forest for the trees, be vulnerable, open, honest, and simply share our human love needs, just blossom as life was meant to be.

Several years ago, it was a great deal of fun to create a blossoming lotus tattoo for the back of the right hand. The inspiration was a shared legend about 10,000-year-old lotus flower seeds. They shelter and lie dormant at the bottom of the swamp, eventually begin to geminate, grow through the thick and thin muck of the swamp, and eventually emerge and blossom for the world to see and admire, sparking beauty. Yes, simply modeling the gift of human life unless for some reason one becomes derailed, distracted, confused, culturally groomed, brainwashed, and unable to blossom. I call it stuck in the swamp’s misery loop.

On the heels of six months of energy psychology, deep inner digging work with an energy psychology coach, it has been humbling and awakening to evolve to the work of Dr. Susan M. Johnson (Attachment Theory in Practice). Her work offers that our journey is inside out as opposed to the culture dictates of outside in. The inside out journey is to have conscious experience of the dance of emotion (anger, fear, attachment, egotistical pride, jealousy, envy, shame, shock, etc.) and attachment style to “music,” 1) targeting for a shift of emotional music to decrease the “Demon Dialogues” and simply be open, honest, and vulnerable and love the Self and one’s chosen partners in life; and 2) confronting perceived attachment style threats to unfold love for the Self and chosen partners. The goal is to have the music, the dance, and the dancers become one, just cannot tell the dance from the dancers. As Anais Nin offers, “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” (Dr. Susan M. Johnson, Hold Me Tight, 153.) We just need to move through the swamp, wake up, look around, take a helicopter ride, and look around. Peace-of -mind and a foundation of compassion for purpose and connections are a few deep breaths away. Eventually, the compassion scab comes off and we become one with the suffering of others. Quality, common good, authenticity, and virtue can certainly become a blossoming way of life. Staying in the bud is not a fun, joyful way to live this wonderful gift of life. Stressful, too…and the body keeps the score. And boy is it ever difficult to be open, honest, vulnerable, and bare the soul. And tears may come as love needs are uncovered and shared!

 

DEMON DIALOGUES

Posted on April 6, 2024

The Ukraine-Russia War, the Israel-Hamas War, the daily polarized, hatred circus of the unfolding 2024 Presidential Election, voter suppression in an historically respected democratic republic, corruption, violence, and deconstruction of a federal court system, these have been just a few of the recent headlines. A helicopter glance offers that the least common denominator is that we are suffering from an overwhelming dose of “Demon Dialogues” (“separation distress,” relationship storms) (Dr. Susan M. Johnson, Hold Me Tight, 45, 48) Quite simply, in this combat veteran’s words, we have lost sight of the fact that the need for love is in the human genes and is not about bargains, reasoning, and deals about profit and loss. It is sane, conscious, emotional responses and mutually satisfying experiences in a partnership. The perception is that one becomes so addicted to the Demon Dialogue loop, pattern, that it becomes impossible to see the forest for the trees, be vulnerable, and reach for our human love needs satisfaction.

On the heels of six months of energy psychology, deep inner digging work with an energy psychology coach, it has been humbling and awakening to evolve to the work of Dr. Susan M. Johnson (Attachment Theory in Practice). In the words of an Infantry soldier her work offers that our journey is inside out as opposed to the culture dictates of outside in. The inside out journey is to have conscious experience of the dance of emotion (anger, fear, attachment, egotistical pride, jealousy, envy, shame, shock, etc.) and attachment style to “music,” 1) targeting for a shift of emotional music to decrease the “Demon Dialogues” and simply be open, honest, and vulnerable and love the Self and one’s chosen partners in life; and 2) confronting perceived attachment style threats to unfold love for the Self and chosen partners. The goal is to have the music, the dance, and the dancers become one, just cannot tell the dance from the dancers. Concerning attachment theory, Dr. Johnson offers,

1. The powerful emotions that came up in my couples’ sessions were anything but irrational. They made perfect sense. Partners acted like they were fighting for their lives in therapy because they were doing just that. Isolation and the potential loss of loving connection to a few loved ones is wired in by millions of years of evolution. Distressed partners may use different words, but they are always asking the same questions, ‘Are you there for me? Do I matter to you? Will you come when I need you, when I call?’ Love is the best survival mechanism there is, and to feel suddenly emotionally cut off from a partner, disconnected, is terrifying. We must reconnect, to speak our needs in a way that moves our partner to respond. This longing for emotional connection with those nearest to us is the emotional priority, overshadowing even the drive for food or sex. The drama of love is all about this hunger for safe emotional connection, a survival imperative we experience from the cradle to the grave. Loving connection is the only safety nature ever offers us.
2. These emotions and attachment needs were the plot behind negative interactions like the Demon Dialogues. Now I understood why this kind of pattern was so complicated and never ending. When safe connection seems lost, partners go into fight-or-flight mode. They blame and get aggressive to get a response, any response, or they close down and try not to care. Both are terrified; they are just dealing with it differently. Trouble is, once they start this blame-distance loop, it confirms all their fears and adds to their sense of isolation. Emotional edicts as old as time dictate this dance; rational skills don’t change it. Most of the blaming in these dialogues is a desperate attachment cry, a protest against disconnection. It can only be quieted by a lover moving emotionally close to hold and reassure. Nothing else will do. If this reconnection does not occur, the struggle goes on. One partner will frantically try to get an emotional response from the other. The other, hearing that he or she has failed at love, will freeze up. Immobility in the face of danger is a wired-in way to deal with a sense of helplessness.
3. The key moments of change in Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT) were moments of secure bonding. In these moments of safe attunement and connection, both partners can hear each other’s attachment cry and respond with soothing care, forging a bond that can withstand differences, wounds, and the test of time. These moments shape connection, and that changes everything. They provide a reassuring answer to the question, ‘Are you there for me?’ Once partners know how to speak their need and bring each other close, every trial they face together simply makes their love stronger. No wonder these moments create new dances of trusting connection for couples in EFT. No wonder they make them stronger as individuals. If you know your loved one is there and will come when you call, you are more confident of your worth, your value. And the world is less intimidating when you have another to count on and know that you are not alone. (Dr. Susan M. Johnson, Hold Me Tight, 46-47)

Not being alone is simply in our human genes! With proper, sane, human attention, it feels like we can turn these cultural Demon Dialogues around and motor to have the love we each need. And we have a lot of work to do…Ukraine-Russia War, Israel-Hamas War, daily polarized, hatred circus of the unfolding 2024 Presidential Election, voter suppression, corruption, violence, and deconstruction of a federal court system scream of a least common denominator of suffering from an overwhelming dose of “separation distress.” Quite simply, we have lost sight of the fact that the need for love is in the human genes and is not about bargains, reasoning, profit and loss, and hate slinging at fellow human beings. It is sane, conscious, emotional responses and mutually satisfying experiences in partnerships when the dance, the music, and dancers become one.

3-2-1

Posted on March 30, 2024

The book is Integral Life Practice (Wilber et al, 2008, Integral Books), Chapter 4: The Shadow Module, page 51-52, Gold Star Practice, The 3-2-1 Shadow Process. The assignment is to pick a “difficult person” by whom you are repelled or disturbed: makes you easily triggered, reactive, irritated, angry, or upset; or may keep coming up as an emotional tone or mood that pervades your life. Then follow three steps: 3-Face It; 2-Talk to It; and 1-Be It. The person chosen is Donald J. Trump and he occupied the Office of the President of the United States January 20, 2017-January 20, 2021.

3-Face It: Describe the person, situation, image in vivid detail using 3^rd person pronouns. What is it that disturbs you?

A few of the words that describe this person, who is unqualified to serve as President, are angry, mean, liar, racist, insults, exaggerates, provokes, ignorant, attached to Self, psychotic, spins, deceptions, puts out what he receives back, jealous, envious, disparaging, name calling, sexist, misogynist, sarcastic, game player, tantrums, childish, circus ring-leader, deflector, flypaper for attention, egotistic, id no superego, narcissist, attention wanting, divisive, polarizing, tribal, identity seeker, loud, rude, outrageous, phony, blames, refuses to accept responsibility, confrontational, weak, cantankerous, badgering, threatening, law breaking, like gum on the bottom of a shoe, dictator, deconstructs constitutional, legal, government and political norms, selfish, demagogue, cruel, short-sighted, repulsive, loathed, moral failure, criminal, corrupt, celebrity and right, wrong, should, and ought for you, not me. Thoughts then wander to the Access Hollywood Tape, 12 women with sexual harassment claims, pay-offs to Stormy Daniels and Karen MacDougal; southern border immigration disasters; Mueller Report (Russian interference in 2016 election; obstruction of justice; Roger Stone, Paul Manafort, Michael Cohen, Carter Page and Michael Flynn in prison); impeachment fiasco, quid pro quo with Ukraine; COVID-19 pandemic leadership and management was an absolute chaotic disaster costing American lives; leadership and management of racism demonstrations in the country, to include use of Federal forces to push peaceful protestors away to permit him to have a personal photo opportunity holding a  Bible upside down; indiscriminate, self-serving sales of weapons to Saudis; and refusal to change the Confederate commander names of 10 military bases and remove Confederate artifacts that remind of slavery. Moreover, we were witness to a Commander-in-Chief who choose not to champion those in uniform and respect the core values of the military: 1) does not set a good example; 2) lies to self-serve; 3) dismissed as headaches the blast exposure soldiers received from a 2020 Iranian missile attack; 4) in four  years he made only three visits to soldiers in war zones; 5) has referred to military leaders as “dopes and babies” when being briefed about the value of allies and overseas commitments; 6) reversed punishments or convictions for troops accused or convicted of war crimes; 7) has excoriated soldiers who irritated him: Senator John McCain, a prisoner of war in North Vietnam for more than five years; Defense Secretary James Mattis: “…the world’s most over-rated general…”; and combat-wounded Lieutenant Colonel Alexander Vindman was “very insubordinate” and fired from the White House for testifying at Donald Trump’s impeachment. Donald Trump is an embarrassment to America.

2-Talk to It

John: Tell me about your childhood.

Don: It was tough. Never saw or talked to Mom. Dad was always working; and when I saw him, he was always wanting to know what I was doing to pull my share of the load. Folks offer that he left me a lot of money. However, not true.

John: Where did you go to school?

Don: Went to grade school and high school in Queens. Then off to a military prep school and Penn State, Wharton. Grades were always A’s.

John: Who were your friends growing up?

Don: Did not have any. Pretty much did my own thing.

John: Tell me about your family life and kids.

Don: Three wives. Not much to report other than great sex. Have five kids: Don, Jr., Eric, Ivanka, my favorite, Tiffany; and Baron. They are highly successful and work in my business.

John:  Describe a situation where you helped someone solve a difficult problem.

Don: Filed a lawsuit in Scotland to have windmills removed from the views of my golf course.

John: What do you expect from the people who work for you?

Don: Yes, sir. No, sir. No excuse, sir. Lie, cheat, steal…whatever is necessary to win. Win at all costs. Absolute loyalty. Defend me at all costs. I am a genius and know more than all the folks in the world. I am rich. I am tough and have no emotional attachment to anything. Yes, I do relish the position power.

John: What makes you angry?

Don: Anything that does not go my way or is contrary to my beliefs.

John: What do you do in your spare time?

Don: Watch television, play golf, eat, go to Mar-a-Lago and be with friends, and I just love to be with groups of followers and rally to them.

John: Tell me about your greatest accomplishment.

Don: Being President and rich.

John: What did you like most about being President?

Don: The power of the position.

John: What did you dislike most about being President?

Don: Pretending to hear what others have to offer to solve problems. I can solve all problems in less time and with less effort.

John: Tell me about your greatest disappointment.

Don: Not able to have my own kingdom.

John: What is your greatest strength?

Don: Winning!

John: What is your greatest weakness?

Don: I do not have any. Just ask my kids, wives or those who work for me.

John: Describe a situation in which you failed.

Don: I have never failed.

John: Tell me about your favorite courses in school.

Don: I do not like to study and read.

John: Discuss a person who you admire.

Don: I want all folks to be like me.

John Discuss your biggest mistake in dealing with people.

Don: I do the right thing with all folks.

1-Be It.

I am too self-serving, over my head and not qualified for the job of President, simply lost and in need of integral therapy. My base folks need help, too. Please help them. I am too self-centered and just not emotionally connected to learning, sitting in pain, being honest, horror, the absurdity of America’s history and to the humanity of those who dared stand against the system. Ain’t no friends here. Four-hundred years is too long; and the opportunity to begin to unite the country is staring at us. Political party sorted folks need to remove the ego disguises and provide a welcoming, inclusive environment. Quickly change the remaining symbolic reminders of slavery. Let us put together game plans to transcend and include others: heal others, build up others; strengthen trust within coalitions; extend forgiveness; become an active listener; and inspire greatness in others. I am proud to serve alongside each person as we pursue excellence while at the same time respecting the dignity of teammates. Together, we can confront and solve problems with efficient, effective, and compassionate dialogue that seeks solutions rather than sowing seeds of division and disunity. Leadership can and will make things happen!

ID and NO SUPEREGO

Posted on March 24, 2024

As the 2024 Presidential election unfolds, a MUST READ for all voting Americans, whether Republican, Independent, or Democrat, is The Trump Indictments: The Historic Charging Documents with Commentary by Melissa Murray and Andrew Weissmann. They certainly nail what we have witnessed, are witnessing and will witness it in the Introduction, “His ‘brand’…transgression-an id with no super ego.” (xiii) Id is simply the impulsive part of the personality that is driven by pleasure and repulsed by pain and no superego connotes absent the judgmental and morally correct part of personality. Murray and Weissmann offer, “THE UNITIED STATES is venturing into uncharted territory with not one, but four, criminal indictments of a former president for crimes alleged to have been committed before, during, and after his presidency.” (xvi)

As we witness the dark divide becoming wider, deeper, nastier, and darker, contrasting candidates for President is interesting. It appears the critical decision is to vote for the candidate who has a quality profile, i.e., 1) is objective and not self-serving and decides based on what is in the best interests of America; 2) is committed to common good, compassion, virtue, honesty, and integrity; and 3) can best transcend and include others and consciously evolve a sane American culture.

How one chooses to “show-up” in the world can be critiqued by researching, examining, and witnessing talents, skills, and experiences; making observations; and scrutinizing character, personality, mentality, and interests. Let us take-a-look at Former President Donald J. Trump.

Talents, Skills, and Experiences

A narcissistic drama-seeker who covers a fragile ego with a bullying impulse and has taken democracy to the brink. (Maggie Haberman, Confidence Man, 506) Life’s goal has been to gain and maintain position power, at any cost. Witness a track record of business and government failures, investigations and numerous lawsuits and absolute chaotic disasters: most consequential president in history; puppet of Vladimir Putin; foreign policy bullying, badgering, and destroying; abandoned allies; personal business endeavors with several bankruptcies; North Korean nuclear weapons stockpile doubled; pandemic management and leadership was non-existent, dereliction of duty, passed buck off to governors who became blame targets; enlisted foreign interference in elections (Russia and China); several obstruction of justice charges; impeachment proceedings; insurrection; multiple legal cases lost and pending; accepts payoffs for positions; and has numerous Trump party cronies who are lost souls in search of a tribe and chief. No decisions are made based on strategic plans, strategies, goals, and objectives; makes decisions on how he feels at the time; can handle small projects and sign executive orders; not able to lead projects large in scope; selection of judges, environmental deregulations and deconstruction of institutions may be legacy; and immigration policy is inhumane. Is a master at using neuroses [The dark side of the psyche: denied, repressed, disowned and projected subconscious aspects of the Self.] to create stories (“fake news”) that strategically move the “lightning rod” from the Trump Party to others in order to trigger the psyche of perceived “enemies” and his base. Others become the personification of the wrongs and inexcusable of the Trump Party: Russian interference, Ukraine, racism, nativism, gloating, tax cuts for the rich, Supreme Court justices, bullying, outrages, fake news, etc., etc.  As Bernie Sanders has eloquently noted, “Nero fiddled while Rome burned. Trump golfs.” Accepting responsibility for anything is not his cup of tea. Blaming others is his ballgame. Just take him Diet Coke, wash his dirty laundry and witness a confusing story narrative, throwing sand in the eyes of the onlooker, claiming that transparently implausible stories were true unless proven otherwise, and denying the obvious truth.

Observations

Donald J. Trump is a genius at networking and using the media to recruit, retain, and fire, at will, addicted surrogates, circles of friends, admirers, celebrity hangers-on, and wannabes who savor and long for safety and security sought by bonding together and identifying with a tribe in order to persevere and protect against outsiders. Allegiance and admiration are given to the chief and clan. Mystical signs, conspiracy, and desires of powerful spirit beings must be followed for the continued safety and well-being of the tribe. Years of behaviors reveal the following:

• Does not understand duty, honor, and country.
• A cheat, a liar, a fraud, a bully, a predator, a con man.
• Racist, incendiary, toxic, casts hate, disruptive, name caller, and divisive, unfit for political office.
• Repeatedly has disparaged the intelligence of service members: Americans who die in war are “losers” and “suckers.”
• Deny, deny, deny; accuse, accuse, and accuse. The magic formula: D cubed—disease, disaster, division; and he continues to escape responsibility and being held accountable for anything by anybody.
• Tax cuts were a corporate “boondoggle.”
• Vision for country is merely to fix what his administration undermined, agitated, deconstructed, or destroyed during his time in office. Examples: intelligence, FBI, CIA, U.S. Postal Service, voting integrity, Supreme Court, and CDC.
• Stokes fear, celebrity, and brand building; and show-photo opportunity is the foundation for his rhetoric. Is a stand-up comic.
• Staff selection of addicted surrogates has been a disaster and revolving door; and demands loyalty even if unethical, yes sir, no sir, no excuse sir; or you are fired.
• Surrounded by fixers and “yes men;” encourages rivalries and thrives on personal attacks.
• Protected by political party sorted, partisan, power worldview associates of the Federal government institution he and his cronies choose to deconstruct and destroy.
• Conspiracist (example QAnon) and guilty of political cowardice, blaming, passing the buck, and dereliction of duty; shirked constitutionally mandated duty and rewards misconduct.
• Sexist and multiple lawsuits and misconduct behaviors.
• Racist: a person who shows or feels discrimination or prejudice against people of other races, or who believes that a particular race is superior to another.
• Dishonest, arrogant, and narcissist; uses position and financial power for personal gain.
• Creates martyr complex, irrelevance, and distractions; misleads, boasts and is egotistical, promotes blamelessness of self, never wrong, and anxious to criticize.
• People mistakes and poor interpersonal relations skills.
• Lies, denies, blames, and spins; egotistical and self-serving; unqualified for the position.
• Having been President and playing golf reveal the real person: you cannot hide. Read Commander-in-Cheat.

Character, Personality, Mentality, and Interests.

• Low-functioning includes persons who “… do not exhibit polished and polite behaviors as a mask for their manipulations…may lack the education or interpersonal skills to control and deceive. Instead they might use threats, coercion, or intimidation to achieve their desired outcome.” (Source: Dr. Timothy J. Legg, “What Is a High-Functioning Sociopath?”, 5-28-2019, https://www.healthline.com, 1-3.)
• Narcissistic sociopath: one form of antisocial personality disorder and is the result of environmental factors such as a child or teen’s upbringing in a negative household that resulted in physical abuse, emotional abuse, or childhood trauma. (Sources: Mary L. Trump, Too Much and Never Enough, 2020, Simon & Schuster; https://psychcentral.com, Dr. John M. Grohol, “Differences Between a Psychopath vs Sociopath,” 5-20-2020, 1-5; Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford, “Psychopath vs Sociopath: 16 Key Differences,” 9-7-2018, 1-3; https://www.health.com, Rosie McCall, “9 Ways to Spot a Sociopath,” 10-4-2019, 1-7.
• Gangster, corrupt, and behaves as if above the law.
• A stale, nasty breath of death, hate, narcissism, chaos, fear, conspiracy, norm erosion, “dark,” institutional deconstruction, and neo-facism.

Partisan politics is a dangerous duel of limited and partial truths; and binds party sorted folks to fixed, literal or otherwise limiting beliefs and frames of minds. Political party sorted, addicted surrogates make obvious excuses for candidates and excuse the inexcusable with respect to virtue, morality, judgment, intent, behavior, actions, ethics, and laws. W. Edwards Deming remarked, “If a person is not performing as expected, it is probably because they are miscast for the job.” Michael Cohen offers, “No one ever tells Trump the truth about his behavior and beliefs, or the consequences of his conduct and ignorance and arrogance, in business or in his personal life and now in politics. Trump is the boy in the bubble, impervious to the thoughts and feelings or others, entirely and utterly focused on his own desires and ambitions.”

Donald J. Trump is a power-hungry gangster who is unfit to occupy the Office of the President of the United States of America. Examine and deeply reflect on his profile. As a country, we need a President who will lead the country, improve the country, and set the stage for future generations, not one who will continue to deconstruct the many institutions that are the foundation and pillars of the America Americans desire. Read The Trump Indictments: The Historic Charging Documents with Commentary by Melissa Murray and Andrew Weissmann. America needs an individual with healthy ego, the conscious part of personality that mediates between the id and the superego and makes decisions that are in the best interests of the UNITED STATES.

CIVIL WAR of 2024?

Posted on March 17, 2024

Military leaders learn about the principles of war, fundamental truths governing the prosecution of war. The application of these principles to the planning for and direction of war is called strategy; their application on the battlefield is called tactics. Principles of war include the objective, simplicity, unity of command, the offensive, maneuver, mass, economy of force, surprise, and security. [Notes for the Course in the History of the Military Art, Department of Military Art and Engineering, United States Military Academy, West Point, New York, 1957, 1-3)

The Civil War of 2024 is revealing strategies and tactics of words and actions either 1) to win votes [Democrats] to improve, evolve and preserve democracy; or 2) to suppress votes [Trump Party], deconstruct democracy and install autocracy.

Three strategies the Democrats have unfolded are to preserve the soul of the American political system, to strengthen the backbone of the country, and to unite the country. Some of the Democratic tactics being used to earn votes are planned improvement “actions” related to infrastructure, cancelling education loans, voting rights, immigration, gun safety, and foreign policy.  Continued strategies of the Trump Party are to divide the country, deconstruct and redirect the court processes, retain white supremacy, deliberately fan the fires of racism, sow fear, and to suppress voting rights of minorities through the tactic of voter suppression legislation. Other intentional tactics are lying, working problems, blocking improvements, creating chaos, deconstructing, dismantling, bickering, sowing hate, and dividing.

“Words are singularly the most powerful force available to humanity. We can choose to use this force constructively with words of encouragement, or destructively using words of despair. Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate and to humble.” (Y. Berg) And a person who controls the message of words has tremendous power over others.

As the 2024 election unfolds, political leadership choices will be revealed. More than likely choices will be driven by words pontificating past results and popular actions. A spectrum of positive words that create the stories…freedom, prosperity, security, facts, unity, truth, order, respect, harmony, poise, receptivity, positiveness, team effort, teamwork, childcare, guardians, self-mastery, integral life practice, health, non-partisan, wellness and well-being, mindfulness, awareness, self-restraint, values, equality, fairness, globally respected, quality, guiding principles, ethics, peace, clean air, allies, non-partisan, value in diversity, safe schools, no debt, sincerity, trustworthy, believable, passionate, disciplined, generosity, wise, direct, open, nice, 100% responsibility, apology, loving-kindness, patient, tolerant, compassionate, humanness, beautiful, smiling, et al.

An array of negative words that create the stories…lies, lynching, deception, casts, spins, obstruction, abuse, conspiracy, human scum, traitors, chaos, entertainment, dynasty, autocracy, racism, above the law, divisiveness, partisan, war, bombs and bullets, street shootings, smoke and mirrors, impeachment, corruption, fear, abuse of power, obstruction of justice, cult-like, tribal, business failings, pay-offs, porn stars, partisan vulgarity, broken promises, scandals, low character, bad judgement, failed policies, cover-ups, low intellect, disruption, conflict, deconstruction, selfish, narcissist, demagogue, cruel, fraud, short-sighted, et al.

Words are powerful and the paradox of choice is clear: an America for Americans that is inspiring and visionary for generations to come—freedom, love, hope, happiness, peace-of-mind, purpose, and connections created on a foundation of compassion and common good; or an America for Americans that is evil and dictatorial for generations to come—pay-back, fear, hate, vindictive, intimidation, economic insecurity, casts, racism, decay, and global disrespect. Christian D. Larson offers, “So long as we continue to resist or deny evil, we will think about evil, and so long as we think about evil, evil will be impressed upon the subconscious, that the subconscious will reproduce and bring forth into personal life.” When there is only one power which decides who is right and who is wrong, and who should be punished and who not, we have a form of…dictatorship. (James Heiser). The mission is quite clear: to merge with others to co-create, transcend and include others, and evolve democracy for “We the people…”

 

WORDS

Posted on March 9, 2024

Military leaders learn about the principles of war, fundamental truths governing the prosecution of war. The application of these principles to the planning for and direction of war is called strategy; their application on the battlefield is called tactics. Principles of war include the objective, simplicity, unity of command, the offensive, maneuver, mass, economy of force, surprise, and security. [Notes for the Course in the History of the Military Art, Department of Military Art and Engineering, United States Military Academy, West Point, New York, 1957, 1-3)

The civil War of 2024 is revealing strategies and tactics of words and actions either 1) to win votes [Democrats] to improve, evolve and preserve democracy; or 2) to suppress votes [Trump Party], deconstruct democracy and install autocracy.

Three strategies the Democrats have unfolded are to preserve the soul of the American political system, to strengthen the backbone of the country, and to unite the country. Some of the Democratic tactics being used to earn votes are planned improvement “actions” related to infrastructure, cancelling education loans, voting rights, immigration, gun safety, and foreign policy.  Continued strategies of the Trump Party are to divide the country, retain white supremacy, deliberately fan the fires of racism, sow fear, and to suppress voting rights of minorities through the tactic of voter suppression legislation. Other intentional tactics are lying, working problems, blocking improvements, creating chaos, deconstructing, dismantling, bickering, sowing hate, and dividing.

“Words are singularly the most powerful force available to humanity. We can choose to use this force constructively with words of encouragement, or destructively using words of despair. Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate and to humble.” (Y. Berg) And a person who controls the message of words has tremendous power over others.

As the 2024 election unfolds, political leadership choices will be revealed. More than likely choices will be driven by words pontificating past results and popular actions. A spectrum of positive words that create the stories…freedom, prosperity, security, facts, unity, truth, order, respect, harmony, poise, receptivity, positiveness, team effort, teamwork, childcare, guardians, self-mastery, integral life practice, health, non-partisan, wellness and well-being, mindfulness, awareness, self-restraint, values, equality, fairness, globally respected, quality, guiding principles, ethics, peace, clean air, allies, non-partisan, value in diversity, safe schools, no debt, sincerity, trustworthy, believable, passionate, disciplined, generosity, wise, direct, open, nice, 100% responsibility, apology, loving-kindness, patient, tolerant, compassionate, humanness, beautiful, smiling, et al.

An array of negative words that create the stories…lies, lynching, deception, casts, spins, obstruction, abuse, conspiracy, human scum, traitors, chaos, entertainment, dynasty, autocracy, racism, above the law, divisiveness, partisan, war, bombs and bullets, street shootings, smoke and mirrors, impeachment, corruption, fear, abuse of power, obstruction of justice, cult-like, tribal, business failings, pay-offs, porn stars, partisan vulgarity, broken promises, scandals, low character, bad judgement, failed policies, cover-ups, low intellect, disruption, conflict, deconstruction, selfish, narcissist, demagogue, cruel, fraud, short-sighted, et al.

Words are powerful and the paradox of choice is clear: an America for Americans that is inspiring and visionary for generations to come—freedom, love, hope, happiness, peace-of-mind, purpose, and connections created on a foundation of compassion and common good; or an America for Americans that is evil and dictatorial for generations to come—pay-back, fear, hate, vindictive, intimidation, economic insecurity, casts, racism, decay, and global disrespect. Christian D. Larson offers, “So long as we continue to resist or deny evil, we will think about evil, and so long as we think about evil, evil will be impressed upon the subconscious, that the subconscious will reproduce and bring forth into personal life.” When there is only one power which decides who is right and who is wrong, and who should be punished and who not, we have a form of…dictatorship. (James Heiser). The mission is quite clear: to merge with others to co-create, transcend and include others, and evolve democracy for “We the people…”

AWARENESS

Posted on March 3, 2024

This is a snapshot of a 51-year, self-awareness journey to uncover the what’s, how’s, and why’s of the true self and life’s behaviors and experiences: simply awareness of how one chooses to “show-up” in life via the personality, character, and mentality. “Once upon a time” of the awareness trek started during a pre-meeting walk with a new boss in a state-of-the-art, two-piece aluminum can manufacturing plant in Golden, Colorado.

Grateful for four years at West Point; eight years in the Army, including promotions to Major, military decorations, and two years of combat during the Vietnam War; three civilian jobs; and a wife with a child on-the-way, it was good fortune to land a Purchasing Manager position (1973) with Coors Container Company. During a walk in the pounding can plant, the new boss commented that unless the author began to manage his stress, evolving life would be hectic and stressful. This comment unleashed a life-long challenge and opportunity to look under the rug and uncover the “stuff” that makes this human being tick. The first tee and green were to read I’m OK, You’re OK: Practical Guide to Self-Analysis (Thomas A. Harris, 1967, NY, NY: Harper Collins) and to attend (1974) an “I’m OK, You’re OK” seminar at the Mountain States Employers Council, Denver, Colorado. The unfolded curriculum vitae (plus approximately $93,000 for the awareness search) includes five educational degrees and 27 years of assorted corporate leadership positions; targeted academic courses and seminars; study abroad and retreats; club, committee, and panel participation; group memberships, workshops, and associations; teaching and public speaking endeavors; published books and unpublished papers; and the student journey of living, family, reading, piano, writing, golf, experiencing, seeing, and learning continues. Here are some discoveries:

• Life is an accumulation of our stories.
• Golf is a guru and can be fun and simple.
• Be grateful and say “thank-you” every day: life is a gift and priceless treasure.
• Simple is on the other side of complexity: keep looking for it.
• Commit to integral health, wellness, and well-being: program the subconscious to be perfectly healthy; and exercise the physical body, subtle body (felt energies), and causal body (resting). Integral Life Practice inspires uncovering the existing treasure of insights, methods, and practices for cultivating a more enlightened life. (Wilber, et al, 2008, Boston, MA: Integral)
• Meditation (concentration and awareness) offers visibility of how one chooses to show-up via the personality, character, and mentality. Meditation fixes nothing: it helps uncover the watcher and offers insight into how one behaves. Simply be a good personal sentinel.
• The subconscious is 90% of who we are: learn how to program it, re-program it, and trust it.
• Create solid core of virtues: gratefulness, compassion, trust-hope, courage, honesty, integrity, and prudence. Other guiding values: generosity, discipline, patience, effort, knowledge, and wisdom.
• A great code of conduct: I will not lie, cheat, or steal nor tolerate those amongst us who do.
• 100% responsibility: life happens because of me, not to me. Accept responsibility and determine what needs to be done to move forward: no blaming, lying, defying, or denying.
• Be objective, not self-serving, and make decisions in the best interests of the organization or folks served.
• Look for “what” and not “who.”
• Manage by agreement: agree on “what” will be accomplished by “when.” If the “what” and/or “when” cannot be accomplished, re-negotiate prior to “when” arrives.
• Walk the talk.
• Some folks wonder what happened, some folks watch what happens; and some folks make things happen.
• Be a “lifter” of others: inspire, encourage, support, be bubbly, and help.
• The spouse, kids, and grandkids are the best gurus: be open and listen to the messages.
• I am silent self alone: just sit, be with triggers, listen to mind chatter, and be a good sentinel.
• Become master of Self, integral life practice, mind”full”ness (conscious, subconscious, and superconscious), awareness, and self-restraint.
• A nice goal: master of authentic Self and model the way as a person, in relationships, socially, institutionally, culturally, and by helping others and caring about others. Put quality, common good, and authenticity in all one is and all one does.
• Self-restraint is a learned skill.
• Leadership is an earned, influence relationship skill.
• There are two types of power: earned and position.
• Communication skill is fourfold: intrapersonal, interpersonal, person-to-persons, and mass media.
• Mindfulness and awareness differentiate folks.
• Anti-racism is a must have quality of character, personality, and mentally.
• Racism has very deep pillars that have evolved for 600 plus years.
• Be open to learn and grow.
• Political party sorting creates division, distraction, chaos, and hate.
• Fool-proof business plan: create a vison; accurately assess current reality; and prepare gap closers that move reality closer to the vision.
• Five master skills for leaders: delegation that avoids monkeys and gorillas; project management; team building; selection of quality folks; and completed staff work.
• Let the boss know about “screw-ups” before he-she learns about them from others.
• Customers are king.
• Emotions and projections: own them; sit in the flames of them; and just be with the anger, pride, attachment, ignorance, jealousy, envy, and fear. Face everything and fear nothing.
• Transcend and include to create unity.
• Just go to the breath; and breathe deep, frequently.
• Be aware of the fruits of energy psychology.
• Go deep into personal genealogy and your inner journey since conception.
• The root of happiness is peace-of-mind; and the root of suffering is desire, thirst.
• The foundation of genuine purpose and connection is compassion.
• Love is an assortment of causal energies with an essence beyond words.
• When you keep hitting a wall take a different direction.

And the self-awareness journey continues, simply a student of life, living, golf, and evolution!

 

 

 

 

PRIDE

Posted on February 25, 2024

Wow! Today, it feels like “I am proud to be an American” is an experience of the past. The question is, why? For some reason the energy winds are escaping the pride sails. Daily, growing, evolving, exploding, and competing media remind of polarized political hate fests and circuses, government non-action, corruption, pay-offs, conspiracy, gun violence, killings, rage, boarder activity, foreign balloon sightings, home-grown terrorism, wars in Ukraine and Israel, unnatural deaths, drums of competing political candidates and parties, et al. Perhaps this is nothing more than being witness to eight decades of change and the associated transition from endings of positive memories and mind chatter ramblings about disappointing new beginnings. Maybe this is just awareness of the perceived negative captured by the media and not witness to the good in the world. The ticket to the daily media circus can get tiresome!! As a relative newcomer-eight years-to the political arena it has become a shock to the system that is depressing and the result has been declining pride in the America that formerly held beacons of hope, quality, common good, authenticity, and virtue. Where are the virtues? Where are the values? Where are guiding principles? Where is the leadership!

As far as family history has been traced the Devores were French Huguenots who left Alsace Lorraine, traveled to England, became indentured servants, sailed to Nova Scotia and eventually America. The journey in America records through Cumberland Gap, initially settling in Southeastern Ohio, and finally, Defiance County, in Northwestern Ohio.

Was born in Defiance, Ohio and was raised in the small town, farm community of Sherwood-500 folks, 13 miles West of Defiance. A wonderful life was to unfold. Some highlights are as follows:

• Went from the birth hospital to the home Dad built in Sherwood.
• Dad owned and operated a hardware store. Started working in the store when 10 years old: pushing a broom, waiting on customers, cleaning weapons, taking inventory, burning trash, selling paint, rope, and Christmas trees, unpacking merchandise, cutting window glass, cutting pipe threads, setting up electric trains in the front window during the Holiday Season, etc.
• Grew up in the Catholic Church, altar boy starting at five, and continuing through college at West Point. An early trauma for Dad, brother Dan, and I was the death of Mom: Dan was 10 and I was 15.
• Grandma and Grandpa lived on a 180-acre farm and raised corn, wheat, and soybeans. Spent many days on the farm with its sulfur water, cistern water in the kitchen sink, outdoor toilet, two barns, a silo, chicken coop, corn crib, manure pile, and horse slaughter shed.
• Lifetime student, 27 years of American academia: Sherwood-Delaware through eighth grade, Defiance High School, United States Military Academy, University of Denver (MBA and Doctor of Philosophy, Human Communications), Naropa University (MA Religious Studies and Study Abroad), and with son, Doug, Golf Academy of America (Associate of Business, Golf Management and Teaching).
• Military service: infantry officer, airborne school, ranger school, decorated, Fort Benning, Fort Carson, Fort Lewis, Fort Bragg, and Seymour Johnson Air Force Base. Eight years of service included two years of combat during the Vietnam War.
• Fantastic family then and now: lots of nurturing, high regard, fondness, and admiration…parents, grandparents, cousins, spouse, kids, grandkids, and great grandkids.
• Civilian career as executive with Adolph Coors Company, Coors Container Company, Coors Brewing Company, American Business Advisors, and Telluride Ski and Golf Company.

It feels like the most significant change during the decades has been access to information and the type of information received, then as a small-town kid versus now as a retiree. In 1949 our family owned the first television in Sherwood-lots of test patterns, fine tuning of the set, loved Hopalong Cassidy, and I have vivid memories of helping Dad put a television antennae on the roof of the house. There was the Sherwood-Chronicle, the Defiance-Cresent News, the Toledo Blade, books, Life Magazine, The Saturday Evening Post, schoolteachers, the priest, nuns, family, farm and town folks, and great neighbors.

 

Simply, the deterioration of pride in the world seems to be directly tied to today’s plethora of media information and the type of information that is available. There is so much information that it can be distracting and anxiety generating searching for what fits in one’s world at a particular moment in time. It feels like life is just more complicated today than it was when I was growing up, learning, reflecting, and evolving awareness of similarities and differences in a complex world. Gratefulness is at the top of the virtues list.

 

CONSPIRACY

Posted on February 18, 2024

If you are planning to vote in the November 2024 Presidential Election, Stuart Stevens The Conspiracy to End America: Five Ways My Old Party is Driving Our Democracy to Autocracy is a simple, must read. My experience of the book is that Stevens is objective, not self-serving, and offers his work as helping Americans make sound decisions when voting this November.

Stevens contends,

The inescapable truth is that there is now only one pro-democratic party in American politics, and that’s the Democratic Party. The Republican Party has proven there is no line that can be crossed, no principle shattered, that will force the party to return to decency. If you are unwilling to hold the man accountable who sent the mob to kill you and your colleagues, what other possible transgression could merit a response…The only hope for the Republican Party is for it to suffer crushing defeat after crushing defeat so that it is forced to confront its failure. Then maybe, just maybe, it will begin to change and return to some semblance of a normal center-right party in a democratic civil society…America is so much more than a place on a map with a flag. We must fight not because we know we will emerge triumphant but fight because not to fight is to give up. And if we do that, we no longer deserve to call ourselves Americans. (223-224)

Having been raised in a small town in Northwestern Ohio, taught to embrace learning experiences, spending eight years in the military service, including two years of combat, and grateful for friends, family, and civilian careers, it is painful to reflect on America of past life and America today…and Stevens displays the contrast on each page. Some examples:

• Culture of fear and hate vs trust, hope, and compassion.
• Gun violence and cruelty vs virtues, values, guiding principles, and sane education and use of weapons.
• Home grown terrorism is OK vs transcending and including others.
• Money and power vs voting to make a difference.
• Existence for a few vs the many.
• Ego vs true self and individual and collective authenticity.
• Autocracy vs democracy.
• Destruction vs building for tomorrow.
• Voting obstacles vs voting encouragement.
• White supremacy and racism vs “We the people…”

Today we are on the brink of evolving from: By the people…For the people…Of the people…to: By a few…For a few…Of a few.

As Stevens offers,

We must fight not because we know we will emerge triumphant but fight because not to fight is to give up. And if we do that, we no longer deserve to call ourselves Americans.

 If you plan to vote this November, request that you read The Conspiracy to End America: Five Ways My Old Party is Driving Our Democracy to Autocracy.

PARTNERSHIP

Posted on February 11, 2024

Saying “hello” to the authentic self feels like evolution-in-process. Today it feels like the true self is like an inverted teepee that started growing in Mom’s womb, and is still growing, developing, and evolving, moment-to-moment. When the true self is responding, absent reacting to the tugs of either mind chatter, fear, triggers, attachment style, sensual experiences, physical sensations, presented self, spiritual vibes, religion, or a combination of two or more of the noted tugs, the true self can respond and behave with authenticity. Moreover, actual thoughts, words, language, actions, and behaviors are in sync with each other. An alternative is to show up as the ego, the “people pleasing” mode, the thoughts, words-language, and actions-behaviors that surface based on what is expected of us or based on social or peer pressure. This is living the actions, words, thoughts, and emotions others have offered— Mom, Dad, Gma, Gpa, teachers, monks, imams, priests, nuns, rabbis, coaches, mentors, ministers, therapists, military buddies, military brass, professors, classmates, neighbors, bosses, spouses, kids, etc. These programs are the result of our grooming since before birth simply because the conscious mind has been programming the subconscious mind to live the actions, words, thoughts, and emotions others have offered.

The challenge and opportunity are to be the true self and motor along in life as the authentic self. Being able to be present and witness ourselves in action-mindfulness and awareness meditation-is critical to growing awareness of tugs between how we show up in the world and how one desires to show up in the world for ourselves and others. Evolving from witnessed behaviors emerge tiny steps for love of self, learning communication with one another beyond the unhealthy and healthy ego, loving others, and bringing to life the mysterious collective intelligence that lives between and among us, but is not specific to any of us. With passionate intention, 100% responsibility, facing everything and fearing nothing, and action one can evolve into being a good partner who enjoys partnership and collectives.

Andrew Cohen contends,

One of the remarkable discoveries made in many years of practicing a contemporary spiritual path is that enlightened awareness can not only come alive in the interior of an individual-as a ‘Higher I’-but also in the interior of a collective-as a ‘Higher we.’ When this mysterious new kind of enlightenment emerges, it expresses itself in the space between us-and it effectively becomes the intersubjective experience of the whole group. (Manifest Nirvana: A Sanctuary for 21^st Century Spiritual Explorers, 1)

Christian Larson’s message in The Great Within is clear: our sickness, disease, illness, health, wellness, and wellbeing are reflections of the language we live in; and since birth the conscious mind (5% of who we are) has been programming the subconscious mind (95% of who we are) to live the actions, words, thoughts, and emotions others have offered. These programs are the result of our past thinking and our tomorrows the result of our present thinking. We have been our mental parents, and we shall be our own mental children. All that a person does and brings to pass is a gesture of thought. What one thinks and passionately or lazily passes along to the body as a “must do” or “should do” is what one gets. The challenge is to close the gap between the authentic self, the language of integrity, and the others’ self that we have chosen to create because of what others have offered and we have chosen. The opportunity is to tell the truth.

As a perfectionist-reformer, know it all, who fears rejection, has targeted having everything right, and has rejected the imperfect for eight decades, recognizing and admitting reality about the presented self is process and invites a bunch of mind chatter. The stir of inner chaos, tantrums, avoidance, and stress is paralyzing and distracting, and generates and reinforces suffering, sickness, disease, and illness.

Yes! We are thinking, personality, character, and wellness reflections of the language we live in. Let’s live in the language of the authentic self! Close the gap between the authentic self and the represented self, the healthy ego, and the unhealthy ego. Simply one step at a time. The vision offers authentic joy, a manner of traveling with strategies as follows:

-Quality, common good, authenticity, and virtue in all we are and all we do.

-Simply model the way as a person, in relationships, socially, institutionally, culturally, and by passionately caring about and helping others.

-Meditate for healthy partnership of the conscious and subconscious minds and for mindfulness, awareness, and self-restraint.

Some Resources

• Evolutionary Enlightenment, Andrew Cohen.
• Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One, Joe Dispenza.
• Becoming Supernatural: How Common People are Doing the Uncommon, Joe Dispenza.
• The Great Within, Christian Larsen.
• How Attachment Styles Work, LearnWell Books.