EIP

An emotionally immature person (EIP) is the President of the United States; and he has associates who are EIPs. For an 85-year-old U.S. citizen, U.S. Army veteran, two-year Vietnam War combat veteran, United States Military Academy graduate… “I will not lie, cheat, or steal, nor tolerate those amongst us who do…”, spouse, dad, grandpa, and great grandpa, it is disgusting, depressing, and embarrassing to bear witness to this EIP behavior for a Commander-in-Chief of the military services, in addition to his daily decisions for this great country…immigration, Epstein files, foreign relations, Medicare, Social Security, education department, et al.

Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson offers the following about EIPs,

EIPs often use flattery to coax you into going along with whatever they want. They act like you have all the answers or are uniquely strong and capable of fixing their problems. They tell you they don’t know what they would do without you. (My guess is that they would soon find someone else more willing.)

 EIPs offer a spectacular relationship deal: if you want to do what they want, then you will be everything to them. However, the fine print says that you are only as good as the last thing you did for them. In this distorted arrangement, you can be everything one minute and nothing the next. This is because they have an extremely self-preoccupied way of looking at relationships. You are either wonderful or useless to them-with nothing in between.

 EIPs’ flatteries can be very seductive to anyone. We all want to feel special. Who isn’t intrigued by someone who acts like you are the answer to their prayer? It’s easy to forgive them anything as soon as you feel like everything to them again, even if they ignore or disrespect you the rest of the time. You might put up with a lot as long as the EIP sometimes makes you feel important, lovable, and special. This use of flattery is well known in con artists, cult leaders, dictators, and other exploiters to help get their foot in the door. They know people need to feel special, and they use it to cement their power…

 …Wouldn’t you prefer genuine people who show you kindness and sincere interest, not puffery they bestow because they’re in a good mood and about to get what they want? (Lindsay C. Gibson, Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents, 2015, Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, 68-69)

 Yes, as a Dr. Spock raised child, am certain EIP rubbed off from Mom and Dad, and Gpa and Gma; and have no doubt that after a 50+ year commitment to self-awareness and self-development, my parenting skills would be much improved today. Looking inside, the shame, rejection, aloofness, headiness, and perfectionism still need work. Nevertheless, to be witness to the EIP at the helm of our country is distressing and needs to be changed. As Terrence Real reminds us, the place to start is with our own relational skills:

Five core relational skills for a well-adjusted, well-functioning person:

• Self-Esteem

Dysfunction: shame; grandiosity.

• Self-Awareness

Dysfunction: disassociation; perfectionism.

• Good Boundaries

Dysfunction: too porous (reactive); walled off (disengaged).

• Interdependence

Dysfunction: over dependence; anti-dependent; needless; wantless.

• Moderation

Dysfunction: immature (too “loose”); super mature (too “tight”).

(Terrence Real, How Can I Get Through to You, 2002. NY, NY: SCRIBNER, 203-204)

Let’s get this improvement work done and move forward absent the chaos, confusion, and hate. We need peace-of-mind with purpose and connections created on a foundation of compassion.