KIDS

Wow, what a journey…from playing with an orange road grader in the sand pile under an apple tree in the garden; to perfectionism, self-awareness and self-development, and performance-based self-esteem; to funk; and back to playing with an orange road grader in the sand pile under an apple tree in the garden.

As a kid growing up in Northwest Ohio—Sherwood, Ohio—hours were spent playing in the sand pile under an apple tree in the garden. A beautiful memory is playing with the orange road grader that was a Christmas present. Adjacent to the sand pile became the burial place for Tony, my beautiful, gold Persian cat who had been killed on U.S. Route 127 (Harrison Street) that motored North and South in front of the house that Dad had built and that Little John was taken home to after he was born in Defiance Hospital, Defiance, Ohio. The sandpile became a thing of the past when the two backyard hot rods needed a racetrack on the skirts of the garden and apple trees…however…

As working in Dad’s store, becoming an altar boy, and school became early priorities, A’s were rewarded with money and the need to perform and get stuff right became a way of life. Consequently, perfectionist, “heady,” emotionless, presented masculinity of the existing culture, and performance-based self-esteem became companions for many years of this wonderful gift of life’s journey. And the change-transition from this achievement driven life to retirement has been a monster, personally, for a dear intimate partner of fifty-three years and counting, for kids, and others. The word choice for this transition period from the military service and corporate America to retirement is “funk,” which, at times has felt mentally, emotionally, physically, energetically, cellularly, and spiritually never ending.

What is the current transition? The change from that “funk” of a learning, reflecting, experiencing, and evolving several years to an eventful return to the sandpile under the apple tree in the garden, simple presence with what is and that “… everything is an experience with a purpose.” (See Davey’s quote below.) Today it feels like a new beginning has begun to materialize, help parents help kids and help kids. Let’s peek by starting with a story from a former student, Davey, noted in The Gazebo Learning Project: A Legacy of Experiential & Experimental Early Childhood Education at Esalen. (Jasmine Star Horan, 2020, Big Sur, CA: Silver Peak Press, 144.) Davey offers,

I believe that I am a rare and lucky person in that my grandmother (Penny Vieregge) has taught at Gazebo for much longer than I have been alive. What I know about the philosophy, I know from the ways in which my ‘Nana” treated my brother and me. EVERYTHING IS AN EXPERIENCE WITH A PURPOSE [The capital letters are the BLOG author’s!]. For example, if we were to garden with Nana, my brother and I would dig the holes, we would plant the seeds, we would be responsible to water and maintain the beds, we would nourish the plants until we got to enjoy and share strawberries. We were able to understand the whole process and gain an understanding that our actions (that we can do on our own) can have a beneficial impact on our world around us. By doing and understanding we become capable and conscientious.

Pema Chodron, American Buddhist nun and mother, author of Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living, et al, offers,

We work on ourselves to help others, but also, we help others to work on ourselves. The whole path seems to be about developing curiosity, about looking out and taking an interest in all the details of our lives and in our immediate environment. (The Gazebo Learning Project: A Legacy of Experiential & Experimental Early Childhood Education at Esalen. Jasmine Star Horan, 2020, Big Sur, CA: Silver Peak Press, 171)

Lucy Horan Drummond, a former Gazebo student, contends,

Kids were learning to be in touch with their emotions— (feel them)—and slow down and express them. We…learned good behaviors because we learned how to be in touch with emotions and feel our emotions; we grew up learning skills that other people had to relearn as adults. (The Gazebo Learning Project: A Legacy of Experiential & Experimental Early Childhood Education at Esalen, Jasmine Star Horan, 2020, Big Sur, CA: Silver Peak Press, 181)

All this boils down to the glaring, screaming, pleading need to help our children grow AWARENESS because degree— level— of AWARENESS differentiates folks. From this parent’s perspective, the more awareness for our kids, the better the prospects for overcoming the country’s confusion, chaos, conflict, terrorism, and nasty headlines. The obvious question: How can we help our young folks grow AWARENESS?

Step number uno is helping them learn to become present in the moment…simply learning to be mindful and present in the moment grows awareness for the child and the facilitator, parent, teacher, coach, or enabler. Folks are different and successful beings because of the degree of respective awareness and the level of awareness can grow and evolve with facilitation, help, enabling, and coaching, not directing, dictating, pontificating, being “heady,” and critical. Be present with the child, participate in what is going on in the moment, ask the right questions, grow the awareness for both parties…simply learning and reflection moved to experience and wisdom, consciousness, recognition, realization and knowledge of a situation…evolving and growing for both facilitator and child via process and patience, self-awareness and skillful dialogue. Jasmine Star Horan notes,

Rather than avoiding difficult feelings and situations…education can be used to experience and express the full spectrum of emotions, allow for productive conflict and communication, and to grow through self-awareness and skillful dialogue. (The Gazebo Learning Project: A Legacy of Experiential & Experimental Early Childhood Education at Esalen. Jasmine Star Horan, 2020, Big Sur, CA: Silver Peak Press, 181)

Some folks will watch what happens. Some folks will wonder what happened. Some folks will make mindfulness, awareness, and self-restraint education happen.  Let’s make this reality for our kids and kids around the globe.