OFF-RAMP USA

Posted on September 27, 2025

Carl Rogers offers that you’ve got to fully accept yourself—flaws, scars, mistakes, all of it—before real growth can happen. “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” Shaka Senghor offers, “Everyone has hidden prisons. But every prison has a door.” (How To Be Free, 2025, NY, NY: Authors Equity, xiv)

On September 10, 2025, following the assassination of Charlie Kirk, Utah Governor Spencer Cox offered, “We can return violence with violence. We can return hate with hate. At some point, we must find an off-ramp, or it’s going to get much, much worse.” (USA Today, September 15, 2025, 2A)

Let’s peek at a VISION of a possible off-ramp…

OFF-RAMP USA

VISION

Quality, common good, authenticity, and virtues, in all we are and all we do.

 Strategies

  • Evolve with solid core virtues (gratitude, hope, trust, compassion, courage, honesty, prudence, and integrity), values, and a philosophy of transcend and include others.
  • Limited government for citizens. The Supreme Court, the Senate, the House, and the Office of the President have solid leaders, leadership, and followers who have moral compasses, and are objective, not self-serving, and make decisions that are in the best interests of America.
  • Voting systems have integrity and elections are fair.
  • Fiscal responsibility; economic stability and equity; and long-term financial security.
  • Public safety for all Americans, respect for law and order, no one is above the law, and all citizens are held accountable. Domestic terrorism and targeted violence prevention measures include coordination and cooperation of federal, state, and community authorities.
  • Universal background checks, license to carry, red flag law, safe storage law, and weapons of war are kept on the battlefield. It is illegal for a citizen to purchase, own, or possess assault-style weapons and high-capacity magazines.
  • Federal, state, and local journalism infrastructures are strong; and public trust of the press and integrity of the First Amendment are strong.
  • Open dialogue and free exchange of ideas is fostered.
  • Education processes are the best of the best.
  • Pandemic preparedness and top ten healthcare system with integral health, wellness, and wellbeing at the core…mentally, emotionally, physically, energetically, cellularly, and spiritually.
  • Programs, processes, and coalitions to dismantle systemic racism.
  • Controlled business ethical and moral issues.
  • Avoid war with strong military and space forces, global allies and networks, and dialogue.
  • Professional Federal Communications Commission and State Department that have alliances coupled with reasoned foreign policy.
  • Helping others, caring about others, and serving others: churches, individuals, groups, institutions, communities, and the government.
  • Justice for all; and judges are objective, uphold the Constitution, and have core virtues, historic values, and guiding principles, and satisfy evolving cultural needs.
  • Marriage and children, pillars of America’s future: citizen’s choices and model a transcend and include evolution. Young adults considering becoming parents learn and understand the role parents play in children’s lives; and parents who have children learn, understand, and have respect for the parenting impact on children.
  • Respect for science.
  • Environmental awareness, control, and self-restraint.
  • Strength in diversity and humane immigration laws and regulations. Borders are sanely managed.
  • Respect for democracy and decentralized culture with empowered, free citizens.

Ethical Code

  • We model the way as a person, in relationships, socially, institutionally, and culturally by helping others, caring about others, serving others, loving others, and loving the Self.
  • We will not lie, cheat, or steal, nor tolerate those amongst us who do. (Code of Conduct, United States Military Academy)
  • We commit to 100% responsibility, life happens because of us, not to us.
  • We will master relationship skills: self-esteem, self-awareness, good boundaries, interdependency, and moderation.
  • We acknowledge, with crystal clear clarity, personal reflections in the world.
  • Mindfulness, awareness, and self-restraint will evolve as we learn, reflect, and meditate.
  • We target for happiness and authentic joy through peace-of-mind with connections and purpose built on a foundation of compassion.

It is time to evolve and move forward from the chaos of hyperpolarization being created by conflicting ideologies of traditionalists, modernists, post modernists, left-wingers, right-wingers, blue states, and red states that are being pontificated by politicians and respective tribes. A good, cultural worldview for America can facilitate non-violent discussion and transcendence. We need good, solid leaders who can turn vision into reality and create strategic objectives and strategies that defend American democracy and silence domestic, home grown, home led, terrorism, political polarization, violence, and autocracy. For the preservation of democracy, take time to separate the wheat from the chaff, peacefully and non-violently protest via social media networks, community protests, boycotts, leadership of groups and communities, and select and vote for politicians who are genuine leaders with solid leadership track records.

 

 

OFF-RAMP

Posted on September 25, 2025

Shaka Senghor offers, “Everyone has hidden prisons. But every prison has a door.” (How To Be Free, 2025, NY, NY: Authors Equity, xiv)

On September 10, 2025, following the assassination of Charlie Kirk, Utah Governor Spencer Cox offered, “We can return violence with violence. We can return hate with hate. At some point, we must find an off-ramp, or it’s going to get much, much worse.” (USA Today, September 15, 2025, 2A)

And the consolidation of autocratic power is becoming worse…1) Charlie Kirk Memorial in Phoenix turned into a Republican “political rally” with a list of 12 Republican speakers including President Donald J. Trump, Vice President J. D. Vance, Erika Kirk, Kirk’s widow, Secretary of State Marco Rubio, Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth, Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard, Donald  Trump, Jr., White House Chief of Staff Susie Wiles, Tucker Carlson, Fox News political commentator, White House Deputy Chief of Staff Stephen Miller, Ambassador to India nominee Sergio Gor; 2) “… governmental overreach on free speech… Trump doesn’t want free speech. He wants favored speech. For himself. And he’s using our government, and now Kirk’s killing, to reach for that.” (Chris Brennan, USA TODAY, 9-18-25, 7A); 3) “Disney owned ABC said late on September 17 that it would stop airing “Kimmel” (Jimmy Kimmel Live) after the head of the Federal Communications Commission appointed by President Donald Trump expressed ire at the host’s comments and broadcaster Nexstar announced intentions not to air the show.” (USA TODAY, September 19-21, 2025, 1A); 4) “Earlier this year CBS announced it was cancelling “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” after the 2025-2026 TV season, ostensibly because of finances, and Trump and conservatives celebrated. Immediately after ABC’s decision to preempt Kimmel, Trump posted on his Truth Social platform in delight, further calling on NBC to cancel the remaining two broadcast late night hosts: Jimmy Fallon and Seth Meyers. (USA TODAY, September 19-21, 2025, 1A); and 5) Epstein Files release saga continues.

Interesting historical sidelight: as countries move from democracy to autocracy, comedians have been initial targets as autocratic regimes rally to trim unfavorable media and consolidate communications power.

Let’s peek at the VISION of a possible off-ramp…

OFF-RAMP USA

VISION

Quality, common good, authenticity, compassion, empathy, non-violent disagreement, and virtues, in all we are and all we do.

 Strategies

  • Evolve with solid core virtues (gratitude, hope, trust, compassion, courage, honesty, prudence, and integrity), values, and a philosophy of transcend and include others.
  • Limited government for citizens. The Supreme Court, the Senate, the House, and the Office of the President have solid leaders, leadership, and followers who have moral compasses, and are objective, not self-serving, and make decisions that are in the best interests of America.
  • Voting systems have integrity and elections are fair.
  • Fiscal responsibility; economic stability and equity; and long-term financial security.
  • Public safety for all Americans, respect for law and order, no one is above the law, and all citizens are held accountable. Domestic terrorism and targeted violence prevention measures include coordination and cooperation of federal, state, and community authorities.
  • Universal background checks, license to carry, red flag law, safe storage law, and weapons of war are kept on the battlefield. It is illegal for a citizen to purchase, own, or possess assault-style weapons and high-capacity magazines.
  • Federal, state, and local journalism infrastructures are strong; and public trust of the press and integrity of the First Amendment are strong.
  • Open dialogue and free exchange of ideas is fostered.
  • Education processes are the best of the best.
  • Pandemic preparedness and top ten healthcare system with integral health, wellness, and wellbeing at the core…mentally, emotionally, physically, energetically, cellularly, and spiritually.
  • Programs, processes, and coalitions to dismantle systemic racism.
  • Controlled business ethical and moral issues.
  • Avoid war with strong military and space forces, global allies and networks, and dialogue.
  • Professional Federal Communications Commission and State Department that have alliances coupled with reasoned foreign policy.
  • Helping others, caring about others, and serving others: churches, individuals, groups, institutions, communities, and the government.
  • Justice for all; and judges are objective, uphold the Constitution, and have core virtues, historic values, and guiding principles, and satisfy evolving cultural needs.
  • Marriage and children, pillars of America’s future: citizen’s choices and model the culture’s transcend and include evolution. Young adults considering becoming parents learn and understand the role parents play in children’s lives; and parents who have children learn, understand, and have respect for the parenting impact on children.
  • Respect for science.
  • Environmental awareness, control, and self-restraint.
  • Strength in diversity and humane immigration laws and regulations. Borders are sanely managed.
  • Respect for democracy and decentralized culture with empowered, free citizens.

Ethical Code

  • We model the way as a person, in relationships, socially, institutionally, and culturally by helping others, caring about others, serving others, loving others, and loving the Self.
  • We will not lie, cheat, or steal, nor tolerate those amongst us who do. (Code of Conduct, United States Military Academy)
  • We commit to 100% responsibility, life happens because of us, not to us.
  • We will master relationship skills: self-esteem, self-awareness, good boundaries, interdependency, and moderation.
  • We acknowledge, with crystal clear clarity, personal reflections in the world.
  • Mindfulness, awareness, and self-restraint will evolve as we learn, reflect, and meditate.
  • We target for happiness and authentic joy through peace-of-mind with connections and purpose built on a foundation of compassion.

It is time to evolve and move forward from the chaos of hyperpolarization being created by conflicting ideologies of traditionalists, modernists, post modernists, left-wingers, right-wingers, blue states, and red states that are being pontificated by politicians and respective tribes. A good cultural worldview-vision for America can facilitate non-violent discussion and transcendence. We need good, solid leaders who can turn vision into reality and create strategic objectives and strategies that defend American democracy and silence domestic, home grown, home led, terrorism, political polarization, violence, and autocracy. For the preservation of democracy, take time to separate the wheat from the chaff, peacefully and non-violently protest via social media networks, community protests, boycotts, leadership of groups and communities, and select and vote for politicians who are genuine leaders with solid leadership track records. Comments and input are welcome, email at JohnDeVore @aol.com.

 

CHANGE

Posted on September 13, 2025

As a novice student of government, changing a country’s form of government is “long-term process” and demands strategic planning, leadership, and management; tactical planning, leadership, and management; gap closing planning, leadership, and management; and transition planning, leadership, and management. And this planning, leadership, and management is essential at all levels and types of government in the country; and must include all folks in the country. There are four steps: 1) create a VISION for the country; 2) complete a CURRENT REALITY ASSESSMENT of the country; 3) establish “GAP CLOSERS” that will begin to move the country from the current reality assessment to the vision; and 4) create a TRANSITION plan to facilitate the psychological adjustment of all people to the necessary changes at every level in the country…from the President down to folks who are working in the fields and in the local shops. This is difficult, hard work, and process for everyone!

Whether you are Republican, Democrat, Independent, autocrat, or no party affiliation, changing a country’s form of government is a long-term process and requires attention to detail and concern for all people. Interesting questions… Who should decide what form of government a country should have? Who should be in-charge of the country? A person who has earned power? … or a person with position power?

Gabrielle Giffords, Arizona Senator Mark Kelly’s wife, offers, “Democratic societies will always have political disagreements, but we must never allow Americans to become a country that confronts those disagreements with violence.” (USA Today, 9-12-25, page 2A, “Kirk,” column 3)

Violence begets violence! One gets back what one puts out! Personally, I like helping others, caring about others, serving others, loving others, and showing up authentically. And as Drew Barrymore offers, one needs to love the self before loving others is feasible. Terrence Real contends that in decent partnerships, each partner needs to commit to evolve personal relationship skills (self-esteem, self-awareness, boundaries, independence, and moderation) and, replace “you” with “I” in spats. Children, grandparents, great grandparents, parents, teachers, spiritual and religious leaders, small-town communities, small-town communities’ media, city and small-town groups and media, and committed, non-violent government entities can make NON-VIOLENCE happen for future generations. Let’s get aboard and make it happen! As Utah’s Governor Spencer Cox noted during a press conference on 9-13-25, following the arrest of Tyler Robinson, Charlie Kirk’s alleged assassin, “We can return violence with violence. We can return hate with hate…At some point, we have to find an off ramp, or it’s going to get much, much worse.” (USA Today, Rick Jervis and Chris Kenning, 9-13-2-25)

POSITION POWER

Posted on September 6, 2025

Reflections offer that the current holders of the Office of the President of the United States and the Secretary of Health and Human Services (HHS) are simply shining examples of POSITION POWER, authority granted by a person’s formal title and role, enabling them to direct others, make decisions, and enforce rules. Headlines speak volumes…oust of CDC Director, Susan Monarez; resignation of HHS Dr. Daskalakis; politicized, dismantling of public health; relentless attacks on science and sound medical advice; Department of Defense to be re-named Department of War; job market struggling…immigration reform and tariffs; Epstein Files saga; and 2026 G-20 Conference at Trump National Doral Miami Golf Course. All at the helm of President Trump, an official title and hierarchical position of the United States with simply authority power, legitimate power, reward power, and coercive power to make decisions, reward good performance, and punish negative actions. Position power can achieve compliance and structure but often lacks genuine commitment or innovation.

A viable option is EARNED POWER with influence based on character and ability, individual qualities, skills, expertise, and the respect earned from others. Leaders who earn power have influence gained from specialized knowledge or skills, charisma, and being well-liked and respected; and they build trust, loyalty, genuine commitment, and inspire innovation. Effective leadership requires a strategic balance between positional power and personal power. Positional power provides the structure and authority to lead, while earned power generates the trust and loyalty needed for true influence and commitment.

Source: https://www.google.com, position power vs earned power, 9-5-25.

GUNS and AMMO

Posted on August 30, 2025

The Anunciation Catholic Church shooting is simply more of the recent same… a cultural-political, tension producing, nightmare with bunches of regulations attempting to control the marketing and sales of more legal and illegal guns than we have folks in the country. On August 28, 2025, Mayor Jacob Frey, Minneapolis, Minnesota, offered, “Prayers, thoughts, they are certainly welcomed, but they are not enough…There needs to be change so that we don’t have another Mayor, in another month-and-a half, talking about a tragedy that happened in their city.”

As a small-town, Sherwood, Ohio, churchgoing kid; a father of three kids, grandfather, and great grandfather; an Arvada, Colorado, resident at the time of the Columbine massacre; a United States Army veteran; and a Vietnam War, two-year, combat veteran, the strategic battle to change the United States culture will be a long, painful, uphill climb. Opinion: this challenge, opportunity, and change needs to start with parents.

The author’s dad ran a hardware store in Sherwood, Ohio, population of 500 folks; and every day I am grateful for the opportunity to work eight years in this family-owned store that displayed 50 + weapons and ammunition in the right front of the store. My Saturday job was to clean these weapons…Remington, Savage, Winchester, and Stevens…rifles, pistols, and shotguns…and ensure the shelves were replenished with ammunition that looked neat, and the customer’s ammunition of choice was easy to find. In addition, I was taught by Dad to respect weapons and ammunition, how to carry them, how to shoot them, and how to properly behave with weapons that were loaded.

My dad taught the author to use weapons on our weekly trip to the local dump to dispose of our home and store trash. At the dump we would wander off to the right, away from folks, and plunk cans and bottles in the dump with Dad’s weapons. On grandpa and grandma’s farm I shot birds off the two barn’s roofs with 22 caliber shot shells; and occasionally would go squirrel hunting in a nearby hickory nut forest. While a cadet at the United States Military Academy the weapons training was immaculate; and while proudly serving in the United States Army, arms and ammo training was well-planned and executed by Officers and Non-Commissioned Officers; and during combat, weapons and ammo were used for the intended purpose: to strategically and tactically close with and destroy declared enemies of the United States.

During a life of exposure to weapons and ammunition, I do not recall a time when the thought of killing a fellow American ever entered my mind. What has changed in our culture today? A sense of fear has been created and the first conscious and subconscious thoughts about safety and security are to bear arms to protect and defend, and unfortunately, thoughts have evolved to the offensive to kill fellow Americans for an assortment of reasons… hate, revenge, ego, bullying, mental shortcomings, etc. And most recently, the President of the United States has deployed the National Guard to stir cultural fear against unfavorable behavior by Americans. Greg Sargent, The Daily Blast from The New Republic (8-28-25), offers, “Trump wants to provoke a violent confrontation to create a pretext for an even more draconian crackdown… more violence and wants more tension and hate between Americans.” In my opinion, stimulating fear to counter unfavorable cultural behavior or beliefs of Americans is unsatisfactory. For a combat veteran, it simply feels like deploying well-trained, American combat soldiers against Americans is simply wrong! Americans are not the enemy against Americans; and stimulating fear is not the answer.

As mentioned, changing the culture will be an uphill battle that needs to begin with parents helping children learn about and respect weapons and ammunition, and most importantly, learn about and respect how weapons and ammunition are to be used in our culture…we may have different opinions than fellow Americans, and these opinions need to be tactfully shared and discussed; however, our fellow Americans are not our enemies and weapons and ammunition are not to be used on them. Exceptions can be made for personal safety and security when damage to property and life are threatened. Cultural change is definitely necessary!

AUTOCRACY

Posted on August 23, 2025

Today’s media platforms reveal that America’s three-legged democracy stool is missing its third leg. Economics and politics are alive; and the missing third leg, morality, rears its head daily. In the rear-view mirror are values, virtues, ethics, compassion, leadership, character, decency, common good, honesty, integrity, and common beliefs. Witness suppression of voting rights, helping others turn political, media untruths, cyber and space warfare, infrastructure decay, inequitable wages, healthcare and childcare shortcomings, systemic racism and casts, LGBTQ rights questioned, abortion rights removed, environmental degradation, untreated mental health, home grown terrorism, immigration overload and inhumanity, DOGE rampage, thriving white supremacy, education state-of-the art and funding deficiencies, insane gun control, deterioration of government credibility—SCOTUS, Congress, and Office of the President—and the list continues. The danger is continued and deepening division, fear, autocracy, privatization, and fascism. The opportunity is to improve common good, helping others, serving others, caring about others, and loving others; and merge and participate in interactive dialogue and collectively manifest the missing third leg of the stool, morality, or common good and caring, for America, Americans, and the globe. As Jonathan Sacks offers in Morality: Restoring the Common Good in Divided Times,

Recovering liberal democratic freedom will involve emphasizing responsibilities as well as rights; shared rules, not just individual choices; caring for others as well as for ourselves; and making space not just for self-interest but also for common good. Morality is an essential feature of our human environment, as important as the market (economics) and the state (politics), but outsourceable to neither. Morality humanizes the competition for wealth and power. It is the redemption of our solitude. (20)

Authoritarianism has gotten us where we are; and unless we do something different, we will stay where we are and eventually destroy ourselves. In The Passionate Mind Revisited Joel Kramer and Diana Alstad offer, “Authoritarianism has two basic traits: a person or ideology that claims to know what’s best for others; and second, the authority is unchallengeable-not open to feedback and change when shown to be wrong.” (15) If the old, traditionalist worldview wins there is little likelihood the species will survive.

Yes, it feels like the country is a mess and that post truth, and consequently mistrust, is bubbling with conspiracy, spins, lies, partial truths, and more lies! Simply unhealthy ego, work-in-process human condition and shortcomings that are offering platforms for tomorrow’s challenges, opportunities, and evolution. An analytical glance reveals a least common denominator to be polarization, nurtured by festering, unhealthy selves that unleash pain and suffering in many forms.

Digging deep into the dark side of the psyche, contemplation coupled with meditation, and collective, interactive dialogue offer a breath of evolutionary optimism and hope for Americans. Subsequent results can offer productive, interactive, authentic dialogue to build coalitions; teamwork; creation of evolutionary beliefs and values; nurturing and building visions for generations of children; and experiences of compassion as the antibiotic to confront a nasty infection. No one needs to suffer, and no one wants to suffer. We need to transcend and include and not undermine the human desire to evolve and survive.

Joel Kramer and Diana Alstad offer,

Humanity has displayed great creativity in most domains, except for relationships. Most of our problems are a function of unworkable relationships between people, groups, religions, regions, and countries, and humanity’s relation with the Earth. Because killing, or the threat of it, is and has been the bottom line of power, and has given the nature of power and wealth to coalesce and expand, and given that children need lengthy nurturing, humanity has not yet constructed a social system that can sufficiently promote the general wellbeing of large populations…We need an evolutionary leap in relationships to match our extraordinary recent leaps in science and technology and the resulting juggernaut taking us we know not where. Developing our relational and social capabilities must include the global dimension by replacing traditional unlivable, authoritarian ideals with more viable pan-cultural values that can flexibly meet accelerated change. We must learn how to be global social animals at last, through deepening, exploring, and building on the untapped potential in our nature, broadening our awareness, and emotionally maturing-all of which are possible if we care enough about surviving. (357)

Simply, we all need to grow our individual and collective mindfulness, awareness, and self-restraint and put “care” into all we think, say, and do. As good leaders understand and practice, transcending, including, and evolving implies a willingness to listen to and accept those who are different and have belief processes that are different.

 

 

 

MOM

Posted on August 16, 2025

Some memories never fade!

It was May 16, 1955, early morning, and my dog, Chum, was barking, non-stop. As the family slept, my Pekinese Chum’s bedroom had always been in the kitchen by his food and water on a leash with the red hand loop around the doorknob of the kitchen-basement door. Chum’s non-stop barking was not the norm!!

From the North, upstairs bedroom, I sped quickly downstairs to discover that the kitchen light was on, and the closer I came to the kitchen door, awareness screamed that there was a problem. On the kitchen cupboard counter to the right of the refrigerator was a half full glass of milk, the refrigerator door was open, and Mom, in her nightgown, was lying on her right side on the floor in spilled milk with her head resting against the counter door and the bottom ledge of refrigerator door opening.

Immediately, I beckoned Dad, moved Mom to the middle of the kitchen, and began artificial respiration.

Dad went immediately to the telephone and called an ambulance; and, as the two of us traded turns doing artificial respiration and checking Mom’s pulse, we knew it was too late. Dad’s wife, love and partner, and my mom had passed away, suffering a pulmonary embolism. She was 46.

Dad cancelled the ambulance and called the coroner; and when a hearse arrived, Mom was taken to Carlson Funeral Home. At the time, my brother, Dan, was 10, I was 15, and Dad was 46. Life would never be the same for the three of us. Reflecting on the transition after Mom’s death, it has always felt like there were too many things that needed to be done and grieving would come later; or, perhaps, we did not know how to grieve.

My grieving process would not begin for some 20 years later, 1975, at the Personal Arts Center, Golden, Colorado. Visits to the Personal Arts Center had been initiated during transition when my seven-year-old daughter from a previous marriage had come to live with my current wife and me. The topic for one evening was grief. To start the session, participants were seated in a circle and our facilitator requested that we each share an experience of grief. My sharing was of the death of Mom some 20 years ago; and the facilitator immediately detected the anger in my voice about Mom’s death. His request was for a volunteer female participant to play the role of my mom and for Mom and me to have a conversation. In front of the group Mom and I sat on a couch, and with the help of the facilitator, Mom and I began a conversation with her in the casket and while she was doing the Tuesday weekly, family ironing. Wow is all I can say! This conversation had waited for 20 years and was well overdue; and the grieving process concerning Mom’s death was underway; continues today; and the frequent conversations with her are therapeutic and offer a sense of peace and comfort. I miss her physical presence; however, it always feels like she is here with me. Today it feels like proper, timely grieving is essential for peace-of-mind.

In 1987 a work associate shared the SARA grief cycle at breakfast. The associate openly admitted that he was grieving because I had been selected for a position that he felt should have been his. Our conversation was quite moving as he shared that the “S” was shock, the “A” was anger, the “R” was rationalization, and the last “A” was for acceptance. As one grieves, we cycle, and recycle, through the four emotions, each in our own way and each in our own time, often moving from shock to acceptance or from rationalization to anger, and the other combinations of SARA. Awareness of the process and being with emotion experienced is critical for grieving, simply sit in the flames of the tortuous emotion being experienced.

Mindfulness and awareness of the personal nature of the “slinky-like,” SARA grieving process has been fruitful for Mom’s death and other lost ones. Whether it is shock, anger, rationalization, or acceptance, the objective is to be with the experience of the created emotion. Sit in the flames, face everything, fear nothing, and do it in your own way and in your own time. SARA works! Grieving is definitely individual, process, and essential.

200 DAYS

Posted on August 9, 2025

With 200 days behind us, we are witnessing a concentration of authoritarian power, simply the creation of a cult by Donald Trump and his associates. Gone are truth, statistical data, facts, law, honesty, gratitude, trust, compassion, courage, prudence, and integrity.

As a senior elder, gone are the days of the West Point Honor Code, “I will not lie, cheat, or steal, nor tolerate those amongst us who do;” Bill Coors during his Adolph Coors Company leadership team addresses, “Honesty, integrity, and morality;” Coors Senior Vice President of Finance, Max Goodwin, coaching, “Be objective, not self-serving, and make decisions in the best interests of the Company;” and Hyler Bracey, President of The Atlanta Consulting Group, “Commit to 100% Responsibility, life happens because of me, not to me.”

It feels like the 250-year history and ethical character of the country has disappeared!

Integral Ethics, like any decent ethics, is the art of being a good person. It’s the practice of goodness in our everyday lives and includes all the ways of being truthful, authentic, caring, and courageous that continue our basic integrity. Integral Ethics also refers to the dimension of our lives where we must make difficult and complicated choices and nuanced judgments about what is right and wrong, acceptable and unacceptable, and quite often, unavoidably ambiguous. It’s where we must grapple with moral dilemmas, in politics, sexuality, health, relationships, work, money, and sometimes life and death situations… The short-term costs of unethical behavior are unhappy, contracted, and unskillful states of mind and emotion. The long-term costs of unethical behavior are worse—a vicious cycle of lies, self-contempt, and denial that erodes the foundation of our integrity and virtue.  (Wilber, Patten, Leonard, Morelli, Integral Life Practice: A 21st Century Blueprint for Physical Health, Emotional Balance, Mental Clarity, and Spiritual Awakening, 2008, Boulder, CO: Integral, 255)

Terrence Real offers relational counsel,

FIVE CORE SELF-SKILLS, relational skills, for a well-adjusted, well-functioning person.

  • Self-Esteem

Dysfunction: shame; grandiosity.

  • Self-Awareness

Dysfunction: disassociation; perfectionism.

  • Good Boundaries

Dysfunction: too porous (reactive); walled off (disengaged).

  • Interdependence

Dysfunction: overdependence; anti dependent; needless; wantless.

  • Moderation

Dysfunction: immature (too “loose”); super mature (too “tight”).

(Terrence Real, How Can I Get Through to You, 2002. NY, NY: SCRIBNER, 203-204)

Ethics is an opportunity for joy, happiness, empathy, and freedom. And it is not a matter of recasting the entrenched sense into dutiful obedience. Synchronize the heart and the mind and reach out for others in a heartfelt, caring, helping, serving, and loving manner. Quality relational skills matter, and gratitude, trust, hope, and compassion can become a way of life. Life is simply practice and every experience has a purpose.

 

EIP

Posted on August 2, 2025

An emotionally immature person (EIP) is the President of the United States; and he has associates who are EIPs. For an 85-year-old U.S. citizen, U.S. Army veteran, two-year Vietnam War combat veteran, United States Military Academy graduate… “I will not lie, cheat, or steal, nor tolerate those amongst us who do…”, spouse, dad, grandpa, and great grandpa, it is disgusting, depressing, and embarrassing to bear witness to this EIP behavior for a Commander-in-Chief of the military services, in addition to his daily decisions for this great country…immigration, Epstein files, foreign relations, Medicare, Social Security, education department, et al.

Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson offers the following about EIPs,

EIPs often use flattery to coax you into going along with whatever they want. They act like you have all the answers or are uniquely strong and capable of fixing their problems. They tell you they don’t know what they would do without you. (My guess is that they would soon find someone else more willing.)

 EIPs offer a spectacular relationship deal: if you want to do what they want, then you will be everything to them. However, the fine print says that you are only as good as the last thing you did for them. In this distorted arrangement, you can be everything one minute and nothing the next. This is because they have an extremely self-preoccupied way of looking at relationships. You are either wonderful or useless to them-with nothing in between.

 EIPs’ flatteries can be very seductive to anyone. We all want to feel special. Who isn’t intrigued by someone who acts like you are the answer to their prayer? It’s easy to forgive them anything as soon as you feel like everything to them again, even if they ignore or disrespect you the rest of the time. You might put up with a lot as long as the EIP sometimes makes you feel important, lovable, and special. This use of flattery is well known in con artists, cult leaders, dictators, and other exploiters to help get their foot in the door. They know people need to feel special, and they use it to cement their power…

 …Wouldn’t you prefer genuine people who show you kindness and sincere interest, not puffery they bestow because they’re in a good mood and about to get what they want? (Lindsay C. Gibson, Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents, 2015, Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, 68-69)

 Yes, as a Dr. Spock raised child, am certain EIP rubbed off from Mom and Dad, and Gpa and Gma; and have no doubt that after a 50+ year commitment to self-awareness and self-development, my parenting skills would be much improved today. Looking inside, the shame, rejection, aloofness, headiness, and perfectionism still need work. Nevertheless, to be witness to the EIP at the helm of our country is distressing and needs to be changed. As Terrence Real reminds us, the place to start is with our own relational skills:

Five core relational skills for a well-adjusted, well-functioning person:

  • Self-Esteem

Dysfunction: shame; grandiosity.

  • Self-Awareness

Dysfunction: disassociation; perfectionism.

  • Good Boundaries

Dysfunction: too porous (reactive); walled off (disengaged).

  • Interdependence

Dysfunction: over dependence; anti-dependent; needless; wantless.

  • Moderation

Dysfunction: immature (too “loose”); super mature (too “tight”).

(Terrence Real, How Can I Get Through to You, 2002. NY, NY: SCRIBNER, 203-204)

Let’s get this improvement work done and move forward absent the chaos, confusion, and hate. We need peace-of-mind with purpose and connections created on a foundation of compassion.

ETHICS

Posted on July 26, 2025

Where has the practice and learned art of being a good person gone? Wilber et al contend,

Integral Ethics, like any decent ethics, is the art of being a good person. It’s the practice of goodness in our everyday lives and includes all the ways of being truthful, authentic, caring, and courageous that continue our basic integrity. Integral Ethics also refers to the dimension of our lives where we must make difficult and complicated choices and nuanced judgments about what is right and wrong, acceptable and unacceptable, and quite often, unavoidably ambiguous. It’s where we must grapple with moral dilemmas, in politics, sexuality, health, relationships, work, money, and sometimes life and death situations. (Wilber, Patten, Leonard, Morelli, Integral Life Practice: A 21st Century Blueprint for Physical Health, Emotional Balance, Mental Clarity, and Spiritual Awakening, 2008, Boulder, CO: Integral, 255)

Every day the headlines scream about the serious lack of ethics being clearly displayed by President Donald Trump and associates in the political arena. Most recently, the Epstein Files have dominated news media, simply unethical behavior by many folks…DOJ meets with Epstein associate for second day; Attorney General Pam Bondi told Trump his name appears in the so-called Epstein files during a May briefing; White House pushes back after reports Trump is named in Epstein files; The Epstein Files timeline raises real questions for Trump; House Democrats launch bid to subpoena Justice Department for Epstein files; White House tightens its grip on Jeffrey Epstein messaging; A timeline of how the Epstein controversy became a headache for Trump…and the unethical saga goes on…distractions, cover ups, lies, conspiracy, self-serving and certainly not ethical behavior, and simply not a single peep that will benefit the country.…

Wilber et al, offer,

The short-term costs of unethical behavior are unhappy, contracted, and unskillful states of mind and emotion. The long-term costs of unethical behavior are worse—a vicious cycle of lies, self-contempt, and denial that erodes the foundation of our integrity and virtue. (Wilber et al, Integral Life Practice: A 21st Century Blueprint for Physical Health, Emotional Balance, Mental Clarity, and Spiritual Awakening, 2008, Boulder, CO: Integral, 273)

Terrence Real offers relational counsel,

FIVE CORE SELF-SKILLS, relational skills, for a well-adjusted, well-functioning person.

  • Self-Esteem

Dysfunction: shame grandiosity.

  • Self-Awareness

Dysfunction: disassociation; perfectionism.

  • Good Boundaries

Dysfunction: too porous (reactive); walled off (disengaged).

  • Interdependence

Dysfunction: overdependence; antidependent; needless; wantless.

  • Moderation

Dysfunction: immature (too “loose”); supermature (too “tight”).

(Terrence Real, How Can I Get Through to You, 2002. NY, NY: SCRIBNER, 203-204)

Ethics is an opportunity for joy, happiness, empathy, and freedom. And it is not a matter of recasting the entrenched sense into dutiful obedience. Synchronize the heart and the mind and reach out for others in a heartfelt, caring, helping, serving, and loving manner. Quality relational skills matter, and gratitude, trust, hope and compassion can become a way of life. Life is simply practice and every experience has a purpose.